I’m Having a Baby Today

I’m having a baby today, unless something goes wrong at the hospital I guess and I get bumped for an emergency in theatre. But, by the time you read this, I may have already have had him which is kind of weird to think as I write this.

I remember writing a blog post like this the day before Aria was born. I hadn’t really got back into blogging then, but I was full up of so many emotions I wanted write them down and articulate them.

Birth brings up a lot of fear for me. I’ve not written about it for the blog and I am not sure I ever will, but my son’s birth went very wrong, the peak of which saw the anaesthetic wearing off during the c-section and me seriously haemorrhaging. At the time I couldn’t see myself having anymore children, and yet here I am about to have baby number 3. Which I guess shows how strong mother nature is. I love being a mother, but I’m not really a fan of being pregnant and birth terrifies me.

For medical reasons I will be having my baby via elective c-section. This will be my third caesarean and my second elective section. I know from my experience with Aria that an elective c-section is a very different experience to an emergency one and the recovery much easier. But as I think about it now, the prospect still really scares me. Due to the experience I had with Logan and the anaesthetic wearing off, I’m under special measures with the anaesthetist and classed as a high priority patient. I had an anaesthetist appointment early on in my pregnancy where we discussed what happened and how they were going to ensure it would never happen again. Which is reassuring, but I’ll be honest I’m still nervous about it all.

Due to my previous haemorrhage I went for blood tests on Saturday so they could get a good match of blood in case I need a transfusion. Hopefully not, but I guess it’s better to be cautious. We’ve had a bit fo a spanner in the works in that on Friday I went down with a stomach bug and spent the whole day either in bed or vomiting and had a high temperature. But speaking to the hospital as I stopped being ill on Friday I will be 48 hours clear by today, they still plan to go ahead. I just hope Ben doesn’t come down with it and can be with me today – everything crossed.

I’ve been having some bad dreams about it all. A month or so ago my husband and I had a Will drawn up which we need to sign and get witnessed, my husband said to me we should do that this week – which is completely reasonable. But the fear really started kicking in then, what if something happens to my during the birth, what if I can’t be there for my children? With 25% of all births in the UK being via caesarean it is a standard and safe procedure, I just need to remind myself of this.

I’m so looking forward to finally meeting my baby boy, holding him in my arms and also to getting my body back. I just want the scary part over and also the recovery over with as quickly as possible. Watch this space for more news and wish me luck!