Is It OK To Not Enjoy Being Pregnant?
We tried for a long time to get pregnant the first time, not as long as some I know. But 2.5 years was still hard. I envisaged getting pregnant like I’d seen it in the books or films, as this wonderful, amazing, glowing experience, where I would delight in my ever growing belly and have stunning shiny hair and get wonderful foot massages from my dotting husband *snort*.
Eight months into my third pregnancy and there is no point denying that pregnancy and I do not seem to mix. Actually I think I pretty much realised this halfway into my second pregnancy. My second pregnancy was probably my hardest. At the 36 week scan my daughter weighed 8lbs 6ozs, by birth she was 11lbs. I might as well have been carrying twins and really struggled with the weight of it. By the end it was touch and go whether I would be able to fit behind the wheel of the car. I was also plagued by pregnancy insomnia from about 8 weeks, I just felt like I didn’t sleep for forever.
This pregnancy has been easier in those terms, it wasn’t until the third trimester that I began to feel the weight of it and the insomnia only started hitting around the 33week mark, which is much better. At my last scan at 34 weeks, the baby was weighing a much more average 5lbs and 10ozs which is definitely putting less strain on my body. But while this pregnancy has been in some respects easier, I have been ill quite a few times – bronchitis, a chest infection and a stomach bug. The hardest part of all has been that this pregnancy has triggered my asthma.
But there is so much about pregnancy I find hard from the nausea and exhaustion, your ever changing body shape so that it no longer really feels like yours and never truly goes back to normal again either. Being unable to bend over and put your shoes on, breathlessness, constipation, piles (sorry if TMI), sore breasts, leaky breasts, crazy hormones, swollen fingers and feet, heartburn, the need to pee – all – the – time! Gosh I really could go on. I just don’t enjoy it. There are women, and of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion – who say how much they miss their bump when it is gone. For me this is not the case. I really look forward to the day when my body is healed up and mine again.
Sometimes I think that thinking like this makes me look ungrateful. Ungrateful for the miracle that there is this amazing life growing inside me. Which really is far from the truth. The only thing I seem to enjoy is the baby’s movements and knowing that he is happy and contentedly growing inside of me. I love being a Mum and I am so looking forward to the moment when I can hold this little one in my arms. But the rest of it quite frankly can do one.