Knowing the exact date your baby is going to be born is quite a surreal experience. During my last pregnancy I spent those last few days wondering with every twinge and kick if things were starting, only to wake up at 1am in the morning grateful I had listened to my Mum, and put an absorbent mat under my sheet, as my waters had broken.
But knowing the date and counting down, working through a crazy to do list until your house is shiny and your washing basket is empty seems so odd. Knowing that in approximately 24 hours I’ll be holding my new baby in my arms is at times a little incomprehensible.
I am obviously having an elective caesarean. This is for medical reasons. It wouldn’t be my first choice, but after a discussion with my consultant, who highly recommended it, I feel it is the right one. But, part of me is pretty scared because my son’s birth was pretty horrendous. I won’t go over the details too much, but in quick summary it included:
- A 38 hour labour
- Failure of trial by forceps
- Uterine infection developed in labour
- Emergency cesarean
- 2 litre haemorrhage
- The anaesthetic wearing off while they were stitching me up from the cesarean
- A drain put in due to the haemorrhage being accidentally pulled out by a health visitor who was trying to help me with breastfeeding
- A rather large (10lbs), but gorgeous little boy
So, I guess it’s understandable that I am nervous about tomorrow. I already know I am having another big baby – estimated at approx 11lbs! I also know that I am at risk of haemorrhaging again, but the Consultant has assured me they will have meds and blood on stand by in theatre and hopefully this is just a precaution.
What I am most afraid of is the anaesthetic wearing off again. I had a lovely chat with the anaesthetist last week and feel much more reassured. But I don’t think I will be fully reassured until it is all over. How can I be? Many people have told me that elective caesareans are a completely different experience, and I really hope so. Part of me is terrified of going back into that theatre again.
But, I’m hoping that this birth will be positive. That it will enable me to finally put all of my emotions about my son’s birth to rest. I don’t know if I am having a boy or a girl this time, so that is adding an extra sense of excitement to the day.
I am huge, so selfishly I am looking forward to getting my body back. I’m not one of these women who seems to glow in pregnancy in the slightest, although I adore being a mother. I seem to have ballooned in this pregnancy, but hopefully a lot of this is baby! But I am also looking forward to getting my weight back under control.
However, despite the fact I am so nervous I have stomach cramps this afternoon I must also remember where I have come from. 5 years ago I wasn’t even sure I would be able to have children. Yet, here I am about to give birth to precious baby number 2. If he/ she is anything like our son, our life is going to change immeasurably. Children turn your life upside down and as cheesy as it sounds consume you with more love than you ever imagined possible. I can cope with pain and fear for this can I not? …. Even if I might need some Valium to get me through tonight and tomorrow ;). Wish me luck!