Ten Things I Have Learnt From Ten Years of Marriage

Ten years seems like such a massive amount of time doesn’t it? And yet, it seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye. My husband and I have actually been together a lot longer and we go together just before my nineteenth birthday and we have literally grown up into adulthood together really, but today we celebrate ten years or marriage.

We’re not actually doing very much to celebrate it today, not because it’s not important, but because we have so much going on at the moment with the house move, we have decided to defer it a little.

Marriage is a funny thing, as a girl you are so focussed on the wedding and the big day, you don’t really focus on what comes after. With an average of 42% of marriages ending in divorce I think the after really is worth speaking about. I don’t profess to be a a marriage expert, or that our marriage is in anyway perfect, but here are ten things that I have learnt through our marriage.

1. Your husband won’t always be your knight in shining armour

….But sometimes he will be that and more. He will be there in a way you had never thought was possible and give you strength in the hardest of times.

2. Keep talking, talking, talking

When we stop talking I know there is a problem, usually it’s when life gets too busy, but as soon as we stop talking about things trouble (or arguments) usually follow.

3. The little stuff matters, but you also need to let some of it go

That wet towel on the bed, the muddy shoes on the floor after the run (mentioning no names…). If you’re the offender to remember these things and to try and stop doing them, shows you care. If you’re the irritated, sometimes you just have to let it it go and look at the bigger picture. You may have to pick up that wet towel, but maybe there is a job your partner does so you don’t have to.  I am not always capable of doing this, but I try to remember it.

4. Resolving an argument is important, but sometimes you need breathing space

I hate going to bed on an argument, I also like to get an argument resolved as quickly as possible. But we all know that life isn’t always as simple as that. Sometimes you both need breathing space to think on it before you can come back together. Going away to calm down and come back again can make it easier to find that solution.

5. There will be times you do things you just don’t want to

If you love someone, you have to understand that some things are really important to them, even if you just don’t get it. I have no idea why my husband wishes to get up at 5.30am every morning to run, but I know it’s important to him. Going to a classical music recital is like torture for him, even if I am singing. But we understand that each is important to one another and support each other in our pursuits regardless.

6. Winning an argument isn’t always the right thing

If you always want to win an argument at all costs, then marriage can be a hard place. Whenever we have a big argument I have to ask myself does it really matter to me. Is it something that is more important and has meaning to my partner. The art of compromise is not always an easy one, but without it I doubt a marriage can last.

7. When it comes to money there is just one pot

When we were both working full time, this wasn’t such an issue, but after having a family the balance of money and responsibilities shifted for us. We changed our thinking, there is just one budget, one pot and money is distributed where it is needed and equally. That works for us and keeps it simple.

8. Always Be Honest

Even when you don’t feel like it. When you’ve crashed the car (I’m looking at you lamp post), you’ve spent money you should have (sneaky shoes and handbags) or you’ve had some bad news. Whatever it is, always come out with it, always be honest.

9. No one needs to ask for ‘permission’ but respect is essential

Both my husband and I don’t believe in the concept of ‘asking for permission’ when it comes to things. But that doesn’t mean we don’t take the other’s thoughts and opinions into consideration before we do something. Respecting one another is crucial and if you made decisions without considering the other I think it would just lead to major upset.

10. We all need a hand and a break sometimes

Particularly since we have had children, it is really easy to get into a pointless argument as to who has it harder. To feel overwhelmed, exhausted, to feel like we are coming second to all other demands. Marriage is a partnership and if you see your partner is faltering, your job is to help them succeed and give them a helping hand.