Growing Too Fast
Parenthood is a funny thing. You love to watch them grow, but a part of you mourns them growing at the same time. Nothing can prepare you for just how fast they grow, and sometimes it feels like you witness something for moments before it is over and your child is onto their next adventure.
This week, we got back from my parent’s house, it was late and my son had fallen asleep in the car. When we got back home he wanted me to carry him up to bed. Normally this would not be a problem but my husband was away, so this meant I had to carry him – as he weighs 19.5kg this is no mean feat. I decided to give it a try and staggered up the stairs with him until we got to the last two steps, and then I had to gently ask him if he could walk them. It then occurred to me that that moment right there was probably the last time I could carry him up the stairs. Hopefully not the last time I carry him, but up the stairs it probably is.
There are moments like this that you often do not even realise are the last time. The last nappy you will change, the last breastfeed, the last time you rock them to sleep. All of them seem to slip by and as I realised it at that moment I suddenly felt sad.
Growing is magical and yet some days I just want to scream STOP, stop time right there. I am not ready for this stage to be over. Is it ok to say I hate it that my son is starting to occasionally call my Mum and not Mummy? That my daughter is starting to ask for her Dad now as much as she is me, although I am pleased for him? We all sing nursery rhymes every night together before bed it’s a little tradition with the 3 of us, and I think I may want to cry the day my son says Mum I’m too old to do this now. Although I know it will happen eventually.
There are times when I get cross with myself that I get sad about things like this, would I want the alternative? Of course not. Logan is starting school in September and I am so not ready for it to happen. How did he become nearly 5? I remember the 2.5 years of trying to get pregnant, they seem ten times as long as the past 5. Or like today when I’m exhausted, they’re exhausted and I was just desperate for them to go to sleep so I could just stop for five minutes. I just wanted time ono my own, free of the children I love so much. It’s the confusing world of parenting.
Of course I want my children to grow and flourish and as each new discovery is made it’s a delight to watch them happen. But there are also days when I am just wish it would all slow down just a little bit. That I will always remember the little moments, and I hope my children will too.